When I act in my own interest I often feel like a psychopath.

also, I like to say, “at times any of us can act like a psychopath”.
that may sound exaggerated, and I do not intend to claim that we all have some skulls in the fridge
but I want to say that we are all able to be sadistic and non-empathic sometimes.
the difference is, that we might see our behavior and regret it, even learn from it,
and that we do not act like that *all the time*.

or, in again other words, “everybody hurts sometimes”.

“The Journey” by Mary Oliver

yes

My emotional vampires are always saying something nice…that would-be suitor was constantly flattering me, although now I think it was just a form of manipulation. Perhaps not even conscious.

Everyone is living in a bubble…
http://ablemobilerecordinglab.bandcamp.com/track/tell-me-about-your-bubble

it’s about learning to say no, and the deep conviction that you will be loved nevertheless. by those who matter.
that you definitely have the right to be yourself, and that your needs are very relevant.

“it makes absolutely no difference what people think of you”

I experienced that “haters”, who knew everything better all the time, simply claim they were on your side all the time, as soon as you have success

People live in bubbles created by their own perception. Narcissistic self-worth seems to be gigantic, in fact it’s very fragile and depends on continuous staging of grandeur. There are so many narcissists who are not pathological, so they even may have a lot of success, in the field they use for compensating their low self-worth. They are not pathological but they are damaging to others, like emotional vampires, always criticizing, never appreciating – “destructive narcissistic pattern”. this is way beyond the “healthy narcissism” that we probably need to feel well, to belief in ourselves.
The destructive narcissists gather admirers around them, people who also have a low self-worth and seek somebody who is “strong” and controls them. the narcissist is not strong, he is extremely week in reality, but the admirer confuses the emotional coldness for strength. strong narcissists are on the border to psychopathy and emotions almost never occur in them, at least emotions do not influence their behavior. there are only basal reactions, that may appear very dramatic, and they can talk endlessly about emotions. it’s hollow.

If they eventually become pathological, therapists have a very hard time with them.

There are many of those out there, about 1 of every 10. They will never love you. Never, never, never, no matter what you do. They are not capable of it. Try to steal from a poor man.
They will not even appreciate you in the slightest way. They will laugh about you all the time, no matter what you do.

Don’t admire them – avoid them.
“it makes absolutely no difference what those people think of you”

One very big problem I have with boundaries in general is that I am such a knee-jerk “pleaser” that I neglect to set any boundaries at all, from the very beginning, even with the ostensibly friendly, and wind up in a pickle later. I allow my time and energy to be monopolized in ways to which I didn’t really agree, except out of passivity and fear of upsetting the other. Then I feel trapped and at a loss as to how to remedy things, other than to retreat. I feel responsible for others’ feelings all the damn time. How, for instance, could I have avoided encouraging the unwanted suitor who visits my cube multiple times a day? (I know, I know, some folk will look for any excuse, no matter what you do. But I still feel responsible.)

Maybe I should encourage them to become haters, because the “love” comes at too high a price. I would love to be one of those strong women who doesn’t care WHO thinks they’re a bitch. I really envy them. And they are really hated, too. Madonna. Hillary Clinton. Naomi Wolf. Lady Gaga.